Territories

Every so often, more often than I wish, my dogs bark all night. It isn’t the boogy man, or even an errant rat that they are barking at. It isn’t the wind whistling through the trees, or even the loud airplanes that could wake the dead. Instead, it is each other. And they are barking (or should I say bickering) over who is going to lay where. Alex is the largest, Roscoe the most tenacious, but Zoey, the smallest is the most annoying. And they bark and growl at each other until someone gives up and moves (or until either David or myself gets up and shouts at them).

I am also witness to a weekly argument coming from the back seat of my car – because for some reason, everyone wants a window seat – and no one wants the middle (even though I have tried to point out that it really does have the best view of all).

It seems that everyone has a sense of claim that sets a territory of some kind, be it physical or psychological.

Sadly it is this setting of ownership that has torn apart churches – this sense of possession that goes beyond service and enters a realm of “me and mine”. I have battled with this, and felt conviction in my heart for what I realized was pride. It’s something that even now, I find creeps into the fringe of my being as I try to reach out… which means opening up… which means letting go of my ability to control.

Anyone who listens to the news anywhere in the world has probably heard about the terrible violence that has gripped the townships here in South Africa. Nightly news reports tell of foreigners – mostly Mozambicans and Zimbabweans who have come to South Africa looking for a way to provide food and income to their families- who are being beaten, maimed and even murdered – all because of territory. Political Science aside, it is a horrible atrocious thing that is happening – and it is spiralling out of control.

These refugees are now camping out in police offices and town centers all over Johannesburg,waiting for the government to decide if they are going to step in or not – waiting to see if they will be “reintegrated” or be put on a bus back to the land they originally came from.

It’s sad to see what this issue of “territory” can do – it brings out the worst in people. And sadly, until the heart is humbled, and a realization dawns that there is not one of us better than the next – not one of us who deserves to be treated more humanely than the other – we will continue to brawl over what we think is “ours”, what we feel we deserve and the other doesn’t , and we will stop growing as a people. Our country will war, our churches will split, our businesses will cease to grow – and all we will have is that little piece of territory that we staked out as “mine” – holding tightly onto it, instead of experiencing the massive blessing that God had in mind instead. A sad loss for a measly gain.

Home Sickness or Sick of Home

When we left Oregon, we had decided, for the sake of the family we were leaving, as well as the family we were joining, that we would set a time limit on our little adventure. After carefully considering the ages and stages of our kids, we decided that 6 years would be a decent amount of time - long enough to make it worth our while, but not forever. However, we did always agree that should the Lord want to keep us here, or show us without any doubt that we should leave before that, that we would keep our plans open.

Now we are already 4 years into our 6! Shocking! While we can see the growth in our kids as evidence that indeed time has passed.. it also doesn't seem like we could possibly be this far into our time here. Taking stock of all that has happened since we have been here also brings mixed results - we have lived in three different houses...our kids have gone through many stages of life...we have gotten older... Yet, we have also not accomplished some of the things we wanted to accomplish - while accomplishing other things we never dreamed of...

All of this has brought about a real confused state of emotion for me. In some ways, I've been here long enough to have some fond feelings towards this place... then in other ways I, the foreigner, am also getting rather tired of somethings. Rather than rant and rave about all the things wrong in South Africa (and the list seems to grow weekly), I wanted to ponder exactly where these feelings of mine were coming from.

After all the time that we have been here, I am, at last, going back to the States to visit my sister in Florida. It's been two years longer than we had hoped, and I am really seriously missing the friendship that not only she and I have, but the one all of our girls have as well.

Excitement that I have to see them all again is mixed with a pinch of fear. How is it going to feel to be back "home" (well, almost home, as they are really very very far from where we left). My coping mechanisms for maintaining a positive attitude will be challenged - I won't be able to "just look forward" while I'm seeing how my neices have grown, or as I realize that I've missed out on 4 years with my sister. Will coming back to South Africa be harder than I expect? Then again, my husband who is now my business partner - who sees me literally for 24 hours a day - will be here, and I'm sure that I will miss him greatly as well.

Am I, at last feeling homesickness? A sincere longing to go back to the roots that I have always known... or am I just sick and tired of this place that I now call home - tired of the power outages, the reverse discrimination, the crime and fear.. even the lack of care in the business world... It's a frustrating place to be..and has this fueled my feelings to leave? Or am I genuinely coming to an end of my assignment here, and is God preparing me for the next stage of our adventure?

So many questions, and as yet, not so many answers.... only time and prayer will tell...