The Cost of Living and Loving

Here I am, nearly 1 year post "Chapter 3" of my life adventure.

Enough time to clear my head of the dizziness that came from the flurry of activity of moving across the ocean - enough time to slow down the busy rustle of getting every thing sorted so I can try to put down some roots - enough time to have a good look at what has past, what the current day holds - and to contemplate the tomorrows.

In a very practical sense, I had to count the cost of moving here - our Rands don't go far here - and every purchase had to be weighed carefully. The mental shift of value - "is $5.99/lb excessive?" "will this bank balance be enough?" had to be adjusted over time.

But what I didn't count, what I perhaps took a little too much for granted, were the most valuable things I had - and whether or not they would be able to withstand the adjustment - those treasured relationships that we had built over the 9 years we were there. The sadness of the goodbyes, the strain of lives lived separately and detached and the just plain pain of missing each other desperately are taking their toll.

While my heart is heavy for missing the people who colored my life - for those who shared themselves with me, and who I gave a piece of my heart - for those who saw me at my best and my worst - I would not, could not wish for those 9 years to be any different. Choices were made then that strung threads of love between my family, my children and those around us and the stretching of those threads has hurt everyone involved - but having had them... is invaluable.

We could have lived more solitary lives, knowing from the beginning that our time there was not permanent - we could have avoided the roots and stretching out - but we would have missed out on knowing and loving some of the most amazing people. And for this there is no regret.

I came across a blog about goodbyes today, and a statement hit me -
"The effort and vulnerability it costs to treasure and honor people, this is the stuff of life." It is worth it - 100%.

Mizpah

Go thou thy way, and I go mine,
Apart, yet not afar;
Only a thin veil hangs between
The pathways where we are.
And "God keep watch 'tween thee and me";
This is my prayer;
He looks thy way, He looketh mine,
And keeps us near.
I know not where thy road may lie,
Or which way mine will be;
If mine will lead thro' parching sands
And thine beside the sea;
Yet God keeps watch 'tween thee and me,
So never fear;
He holds thy hands, He claspeth mine,"
And keeps us near.

Should wealth and fame perchance be thine,
And my lot lowly be,
Or you be sad and sorrowful,
And glory be for me,
Yet God keep watch 'tween thee and me;
Both be His care;
One arm round thee and one round me
Will keep us near.

I sigh sometimes to see thy face,
But since this may not be,
I'll leave thee to the care of Him
Who cares for thee and me.
"I'll keep you both beneath my wings,"
This comforts, dear; One wing o'er thee
and one o'er me,
Will keep us near.

And though our paths be separate,
And thy way is not mine,
Yet coming to the Mercy seat,
My soul will meet with thine.
And "God keep watch 'tween thee and me,"
I'll whisper there.
He blesseth thee, He blesseth me,
And we are near.-

Living the dream

Once there was a girl with a dream. Her normal life was not by any means unsatisfactory, but deep within there was a tiny flicker of a flame that burned endlessly, causing her to lift her eyes beyond the ordinary.

As a young child, she read of mystical places far away; when she turned 15, she imagined the people who lived there and she began to long for them. When at the cross roads of 18 years, she tentatively placed her heart away from the ordinary and went searching. And at 21, her heart found its home with the heart of a man who also dreamed. He dreamed big dreams made with the largest paint brushes. Broad strokes and bright colours. Together they thought that they could find reality for their dreams.

Time began to pass - those dreams that had intertwined became laden with necessity and responsibility. Being hard working folk, they got about their business and did was needed, and the flame once again became but a flicker. But because the dreams were fueled by the DreamGiver, the flame did not die.

Many years passed - children were born, friends were made. Their house became their home and all seemed so good. But yet the flame flickered.

It was a cold winter morning, and for months the flame had been growing - neither the man or the woman could quite comprehend - but the flame still grew. And on that morning, when their hearts were once again ripe with anticipation - and their eyes were searching - that they both knew in an instant that the first of the dream had begun. The flame leaped to life.

The couple were eager to experience their dream in all it's fullness - to finally feel that satisfaction of experiencing all they had hoped for, of tasting that purpose for which they had been formed. However, there were experiences that had to be gained, relationships and knowledge that had to be formed.... and more time passed.

At last, one day the page turned, and together they found themselves at the precipice of decision - to risk all for the dream - or to stay in a safe and provided-for environment. They dove in, head first, trusting in the DreamGiver to provide all that would be needed and to lead them where they were designed to go.

It has been a truly remarkable life. One that has filled to the brim the hearts of the ones who had humbly trusted the DreamGiver.

There are chapters to dreams, it seems. And never, on this side of eternity, will the final chapter be inscribed. But each new chapter is in its own way its own adventure. The journey of the past is woven thickly with the lives of remarkable, amazing people and places - each writing permanently on the hearts of the travelers - each colouring and changing them some - molding, shaping and even preparing them for the chapters that still lie ahead.

A Fresh Perspective

It's been quite some time since I last updated this blog... so many in fact, that I'm sure any who read it have long since given up on me.

However, my purpose in writing here wasn't as much for others, but for me to document what I have experience, to note what God has taught me, and to ponder things that are new to my understanding.

Some parts of my life are still the same - I am still working as a business partner to my husband, I am still living in South Africa, and I am still amazed at what God is doing.

However, time has marched on and life has unfolded some adventures even more challenging than relocating to a new country. Life isn't coloured the same as it was 3 years ago - it is now much brighter and more focused.

Most recently, I have had quite a health scare. David and I immediately felt that God was working in and through it, and we lived it rather publically on facebook and in our church. The love, prayers and support we felt were overwhelming.

Rather than re-write, I will instead post what was posted on my facebook page during the event. It's a condensed version, but still a little bit of a read (you've been warned :) )

Trying to figure out why cancer?.


I think it must be human nature to want to know why. It isn't a spiritual search I am on - I am comfortable with the truth's I have learned in my years following Jesus that my life is in His hands, and He loves me deeply. Spiritually, there is a deeper purpose. I do realize that the spiritual and physical have an overlap, however. When I consider that I have three beautful girls and a handsome son who will one day have their own children, I am looking as to what put me at risk for ovarian cancer in order to protect them.

I cannot say I have really found an answer.

Which makes me want to stand like a preacher from days of old and warn women of how this cancer can sneak up unannounced, or as in my case disguised as a common complaint - and slap you like a wet fish across the face.

As I posted previously, I have NONE of the risk factors (see http://www.ovariancancer.jhmi.edu/menu_understanding.cfm for more info) In addition, cases of ovarian cancer are on the rise.

In my case, I had a hysterectomy in 2003 due to fibroid tumors. Because I was only 34, the doctor felt it best to leave behind my cervix and my one healthy ovary. It is from this lonesome ovary that the cancer started.

In 2007 I was diagnosed with probable IBS ( irritable bowel syndrome, or spastic colon as it is commonly called in South Africa). My symptoms? constipation, tenderness, bloatedness . Guess what the symptoms of ovarian cancer are?

I had a full barium x-ray done to confirm the diagnosis, and because the dr found diverticulitis polyps on my colon, he felt sure that this was the problem. An easy answer.. and he didn't think or know to look further.

It was only on a standard GYN visit, with a complaint about tenderness on my abdomen (which I had been accounting to the IBS for 2 years) that my new doctor raised her eyebrows and started the chain of events that we have experienced this week.

I do not have any "if onlys" or "what ifs". As I said, there is an overlap between the spiritual and physical.However for the sake of my beloved family and friends, I do want to grasp how this disease happens, and as it is a silent killer, want to raise the warning to all I love to please, please take an hour out of your year - go to the doctor and ask for the pelvic exam which will alert the doctor if there is a problem.

I am praying we have caught mine in time. We will only know next week, but I have heard and read stories of women who didn't know they had it until it ruptured. It's a sneaky disease, but not completely undetectable. Because I love you, please go check.


Healed!

I am breathless. and humbled. and oh so thankful! The God of the universe has chosen to extend my life for His purposes.

Yet, I am so grateful for the exhausting roller coaster ride of the last 2 weeks because I now know God to be all that He has claimed to be, all that I had believed Him to be.

I want to testify
■that God in His awesome love for us has given us His Word which is alive and relevant to us right where we are!
■His Holy Spirit comforts in ways that are inexplicable
■His ways are higher than our ways - and so much better
■When God allows His children to go through difficult times, He provides for them EVERYTHING they will need to walk strong.

Do not be discouraged if you are going through a difficult time - God has gone before you, and He is walking WITH you and He has for you all that you need. Surrender to Him all your hurts, fears and anger and allow Him to work in you and through you.

He could have easily allowed me to walk the path of cancer treatment. He had prepared me, and I had surrendered to His will because He had given me the faith to believe Him at His Word. He can give you this same faith for any trial you face and He will walk with you and accomplish great and amazing things.

I am excited for what lies ahead. Every day is now a double gift, and I want to use it for Him.

Blessed be the name of the Lord! As Matt Redman puts it "In the land that is plentiful... when I'm found in the desert place...when the sun's shining down on me...on the road marked with suffering..when the darkness closes in STILL I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord.

I am now 7 months beyond this experience - and the busyness of life, and the stresses of daily living - have tried to rob me of the invaluable lessons I learned. But it only takes a moment to remember - and another moment to readjust myself back to center - and carry on with this gift I have been given - life.

Stepping Back into Life

I am a wild dreamer - meaning I have wild dreams. The type that make my children laugh, and my husband worry. The type that a psycho analyist would die for.... and the type that usually give me an indication of what is REALLY going on in my head.

Lately, my dreams have moved from the problem solving type, to the finally finding stuff type.
Ones that don't make me sad, that don't make me frustrated...they are just kind of..informative.

When I lay on the couch (figuratively, of course) and think about it, I think that it must be because there is a definite sense of "ah ha" going on. Many instances where I sense a bit of understanding as to all of the whys. Plus! I think I'm finally adjusting. The mother/wife/business woman juggle is becoming manageable, instead of overwhelming..the whys of our stay in Africa are coming to focus.. and I've got good things to look forward to.

Perhaps this is contentment. And I am old enough now to know that contentment is not the perfect satisfaction with now, but the acceptance of now and the looking forward to the future. I like that.

Spring Cleaning, but it's not spring!

Hmmm. what is it about the change of seasons that brings about the almost instinctual urge to open up the cupboards, pull out the black plastic garbage bags and clean?

After an absolutely lovely day of worship, then lunch at my daughters (yummm!!), I came home with every intention of taking a Sunday afternoon nap...then it hit. First, it was nothing more than a twitch..then before I knew it I was up, plastic bags in hand, and cleaning of the cluttered shelves in my youngest girls room. From there I hit the bathrooms with the Handy Andy -scrubbing everything that our dear househelp misses week after week. Three bags of discards - 1 rubbish, 2 handme downs and hopefully my girls will have a maintainable room for a while, and my bathrooms smells fresh and clean once again.

There are still leaves hanging out in the bottom of the pool that the kreepy crawly isn't getting, and dusty spots here and there, but hey! It's dark now, and that urge, for now, has passed. And I'll shortly be cuddling up with my hubby and watching his favorite show....

Caught Between Two Worlds

Experiencing new things has always been exciting for me and has fit well into my philosophy that life is an adventure. One thing I never really took into consideration is how those new things can impact my future, or even my very being.

There are decisions I have made in my life that I look at now and realize have left me caught between two worlds.

Africa has seeped into my blood - our decision to move here was never with the intention of permanency. We always felt that there was a time frame of purpose, then we would return having experienced all God had for us here - then we would go back, hopefully a little wiser and naturally older, to our "old life". While there are things I definitely miss about my home, I think that I will ever have a longing for this place - the people, the culture (yes, even the frustrations) and neither place will ever hold the contentment experienced when I only knew the one

Even when I started working, it was meant to be simply as an assistant in getting David's business off the ground. I love being a wife and mother, however now that we are nearly 4 years into it, I cannot ever picture myself as I once was.

It brings to mind a spiritual truth about being here on earth, yet yearning for heaven. Once we have experienced the truth that is in Christ, the things of this world are no longer as satisfying. We live our life on earth, loving our families, experiencing the beauty of God's creation, yet longing deep inside ourselves for our eternal home.

Does this mean that I wish I had never "tasted" of Africa or that I had never reached for new things? If I had never, then I never would have known the beauty and joy in those new things. And life would be monochrome in it's experience. I long for the full spectrum and cannot wait for the day that I am in the place that is the source of this longing - and where I will find the fulfillment of all these longings, and will still the sense of being caught between.

Birthday Party Bonanza

Oh yes, here we are again... April. While this should bring about enormous amounts of joy and goosebumps - it is after all not only my birthday, but 5 of the 6 of us have birthdays all within a month of each other - it has instead brought on quite a bit of weariness and a bit of a personality disorder.

Don't get me wrong.... I LOVE MY FAMILY! And I love making them feel special. Birthdays are the perfect opportunity for this. But if I eat another piece of birthday cake, I might just gag.

I've just finished icing my 60th cupcake. And packing the goody bags for daughter number 3's Monkey Party tomorrow. And did I mention that it is my husband's 44th birthday tomorrow as well? And two days later, my #1 daughters 21st birthday? Daughter #2 has her birthday 5 days later, with her "friends party" a week after that..

I'm plumb birthday'd out. And there's still Mothers Day, and our Anniversary....

Definitely a case of too much of a good thing....

Learning to Cruise

In my former life (ie. before we moved to South Africa) my husband had a boat. When he bought it, I was not exactly excited... I really don't love water. However, it didn't take me long to see the value in having a toy that would wisk us away from reality and plant us on some far off beach off the river where we could play and bask in the sun.

Oh, wait...I digress from my original thought...

This boat was perfect for towing water tubes... We spent at least one week each summer with our church youth, hauling them all over the lake, and we spent every weekend we could in the river.

Soon, David wanted in on the fun, which meant I needed to learn to drive the boat.

The problem? He is a big guy! And his friend, who was sometimes on a second tube behind the boat was also a big guy.....

The first thing I learned about the boat...as you take off the nose of the boat rises - and the bigger the load, the higher it rises.... and the motor digs into the water deeper which doesn't really help with the speed. It takes a few moments of power to pick up speed, which brings the nose (I guess it's called a bow, isn't it??) down... Until then it's really tough to drive.

Once the boat planes on top of the water it's a smooth ride - but up to that point, it's a rough, tough pull.

I think I've been having "life" boat lessons these last few months. Circumstances have made life a rough tough pull... I'm tired, my time is bogged down with the tyranny of the urgent, I have very little time for some of the most important things in my life.. my family. But thankfully, during this rough tough pulling time, I've been able to make plans and to put pieces in place for the future... and this gives me the feeling this morning that perhaps the bow of my boat is beginning to come down, and that maybe, just maybe in the very near future... my life will hit that lovely "plane", and things will operate so much more smoothly... and all the little things that give me joy will once again have a more prominant place in my day to day living.

Hope is a great thing, isn't it??

Stressed or Stretched

It's 4:26 am, I've been awake for an hour and don't see much point in going to back to sleep. In my early morning contemplations, I had a little word picture come to mind, one that is helping me to not give in to feelings of being overwhelmed and panicked.

No one's life is free of stress - I think this word could almost be considered an overused word - at least in my circles. "How are you this week?" "Stressed. But okay"
"How are you feeling?" "Stressed" And in a conversation with my almost 10 year old "How was your day at school?" "Stressful". It's sad.

My life has been full of busyness lately - my oldest daughter got married and she and I (and her new husband) planned most of the details. In the midst of this, our business is growing (what a blessing!), and we have been on the verge of alot of change. In fact, I would say that life has been mostly change lately.

This can cause stress. Or perhaps as my little God given visual that came to me this morning points - not stress, but stretch.

Trying to manage stress is a difficult thing - Picture a ball of silly putty (now THIS is a good illustration for me!) - you pull it and pull it, then it begins to resist being pulled, it get's thinner and thinner then all the sudden - snap! It breaks. If it was more elastic it would just continue to stretch and not resist being pulled.

I think that resistance to change (or struggle, depending on the situation) is what causes stress. Fighting against what is happening around you and resisting what is happening does all those horrible things to your body - headaches, high blood pressure, shortened temper - even that anxious pit in the stomach.

But if we could somehow take a different perspective and look at these things in a our life as catalysts instead of hinderances, we might move away from a feeling of stress to a feeling of stretch. If I (because this is my 4 am therapy session) could embrace the change and see this time as a time of God working in me, molding me and making me into the vessle He has created me to be, then maybe some of the feelings of "oh my!" will change into "oh yea!" and the panic and anxiety that are on the fringe of my consciousness would subside and melt away.

Yep, it's 4 am, and I must say that when I've been lying still in bed for 4 hours trying to sleep, and I get up quietly and go into the next room... a good stretch feels mighty good. It's an awakening and a getting ready for movement. And after lying still for a while - movement is good!

Too Long Overdue

It's been so long since I posted, that I'm sure I've been written off in blogging anonymity (is that a word??)... but for any who might still be checking in now and again...I should at least give you a reason.

In short, life it is always a-changin'. And frankly, the older I get the more tricky it gets to keep up with it all!

People have always asked me how it was to have 4 kids - all spread out in age so much. And I honesty could answer them that it really wasn't so hard.... I have great kids, who MOST of the time, get along pretty well - and enjoy hanging out with each other and even their old parents. And I never really felt it was any harder than having kids staggered 2 years apart, as is so fashionable.

Until now.

I've actually started feeling a little schizophrenic lately. In one day... I am putting band-aids (plasters to my South African friends) on my 7 year olds boo boo, then I'm discussing the nuances of bridal veils with my 20 year old. I'm running kids to swimming, then I'm accompanying eldest daughter and her lifelong buddy to the wedding venue to discuss menues and such.

Add to this my new found enjoyment in the whole "career woman" phase of life (which, I believe would have been a perfect match to the "mother of the bride" phase). The biggest problem is that I haven't yet finished the "PTA Mom" phase. And this phase is really really important - not for me, but for the little beings that I am entrusted with. And I also have the ever present part of me that enjoys the "Outreach Worker" phase - which isn't really a phase, but more of a forever part of who I am.

What happens when all of these phases collide in one cataclysmic moment? Lots of running back and forth...plenty of late nights...a few not so proud moments of forgetfulness.....and very few blogs.

Busyness is never a good excuse for anything...it is rather just a fact of life. And sorting out all the different phases in life is just one of the joys of growing up..and maturing... I'm sure I'll earn every gray hair I get.

Too long overdue

This is a post written, but never published from 2 years ago.. interesting to go through it again and see a little growth, but still some of the same battles. Lol!



It's been so long since I posted, that I'm sure I've been written off in blogging anonymity (is that a word??)... but for any who might still be checking in now and again...I should at least give you a reason.

In short, life it is always a changing. And frankly, the older I get the more tricky it gets to keep up with it all!

People have always asked me how it was to have 4 kids - all spread out in age so much. And I honesty could answer them that it really wasn't so hard.... I have great kids, who MOST of the time, get along pretty well - and enjoy hanging out with each other and even their old parents. And I never really felt it was any harder than having kids staggered 2 years apart, as is so fashionable.

Until now.

I've actually started feeling a little schizophrenic lately. In one day... I am putting band-aids (plasters to my South African friends) on my 7 year olds boo boo, then I'm discussing the nuances of bridal veils with my 20 year old. I'm running kids to swimming, then I'm accompanying eldest daughter and her lifelong buddy to the wedding venue to discuss menus and such.

Add to this my new found enjoyment in the whole "career woman" phase of life (which, I believe would have been a perfect match to the "mother of the bride" phase). The biggest problem is that I haven't yet finished the "PTA Mom" phase. And this phase is really really important - not for me, but for the little beings that I am entrusted with. And I also have the ever present part of me that enjoys the "Outreach Worker" phase - which isn't really a phase, but more of a forever part of who I am.

What happens when all of these phases collide in one cataclysmic moment? Lots of running back and forth...plenty of late nights...a few not so proud moments of forgetfulness.....and very few blogs.

Busyness is never a good excuse for anything...it is rather just a fact of life. And sorting out all the different phases in life is just one of the joys of growing up..and maturing... I'm sure I'll earn every gray hair I get.

Snow not Sweat!

Every year I have the same dilemma - what will we do for Christmas? While every year brings about some version of this question (i.e. will it be at your parents or mine?... will we eat turkey or ham?...) being a "northerner" in the south opens a whole new box of issues -

Will I cook? - this was a non negosh in Oregon, OF COURSE I would cook! I loved putting on the old apron, putting on the Christmas tunes - pouring a glass of eggnog and whipping up a very nice meal that took the entire day to prepare. But NOW... we've got 90+ degree temps...and I'm really tired from work... and really everyone, except for our nearest and dearest, are on holiday. Cooking? That isn't really so appealing. Year #2 in SA, we accepted an invite from David's sister and d/h to eat with them out - so, on Christmas day, smack in the middle of a blistering hot and humid day, we sank our buns onto the seats in a restaurant - really it was more of a pub... and we ate buffet style. They had turkey! and we had the Jones gang all there - it was very very different, and not at all Christmas-y (other than the guy behind the roast who had on a big old red santa hat!)

What traditions will we remember? - Our first year in SA was my attempt at replicating our Christmas traditions from home. Gingerbread house, baked and decorated ended up collapsing from the humidity, and when the kids tried to eat it, it was spit out with much disgust, because the sea air had made it salty. The Christmas lights were strung around our little apartment, and had to all be plugged into the same outlet. Nightmares of tripped switches and electrical fires danced through my head, instead of sugar plums.

What will we do? - Year three was a compromise - I cooked a big old meal, we invited all the family around over - I decorated the table... and we stuffed ourselves. Then we went for a swim afterward to cool off :).

Who will we spend it with? - Year four was our first "inland" Christmas. Gone was the humidity, and added was extended family and new friends. We had a lovely outdoor early dinner under the shade of some white sheets I had strung under an existing framework. Dinner table was decked out, dinner was au gratin potatoes and ham..and for dessert we ate ice cold icecream!

That was in my pre and early working days.

Now I'm an exhausted working mom...

And I lack the time to plan, and the energy to prepare... so, in a last minute effort to save the Christmas spirit, I frantically called every hotel in a 20 km radius to book a holiday lunch buffet table for the family and d/h parents and sister in law and clan. But, as usual, I was too late.

However! Not all is lost! I have a frozen Jenny-O turkey in the freezer (thank you to whatever company decided NOT to carry only the salty brazillian turkeys that lurk in freezer sections everywhere), and we have now closed the office for 2 weeks. 2 frantic days of last minute Christmas shopping has nearly completed that chore...and now I have time to rescue that special atmosphere that Christmas holds.

I guess it doesn't really matter if snowflakes aren't falling from the sky, and if I'm dressed in a tank top and flip flops....

I'm cracking out the cookie cutters, putting on my ancient Amy Grant Christmas CD and spending some time with my kids...doing things that we can only do at this time of the year...and remembering just how special this time of the year is - not just family and traditions, but heart-felt gratitude for the precious gift of life that God has given us through the birth of his Son Christ. This is the spirit of Christmas aroudn the world, even if the temperatures aren't the same.

Living in Fast Forward

When I was a teen, one of my best friends had a single mom who was the coolest, most fun person I knew. Wendy did all the fun things - and hosted all the funnest parties - and treated all her son's friends with respect. We all loved her. She was fun, but she was also always running ragged. If we were to be picked up after the movie - she was late...if we were going to be meeting for dinner - we'd all end up pitching in a eating at 8. She forgot details, she missed appointments, but she always meant well. Together, her son and I would look at each other, roll our eyes and think "we will NEVER be like that"

Well.... fast forward nearly 17 years - and here I am - just like her. Living IN fast forward. So much to do, so little time to do it. Good intentions... best laid plans...and all. I forget, I get confused, I end up leaving people in a lurch... but always meaning the best. How does one apologize for being an idiot? I wish I could just be ignorant of this terrible problem I have. Then I could merrily go about my way, oblivious to whom I have disappointed, or what I have forgotten.

I wonder what my friends and children think of me. Are they rolling their eyes thinking that this is just the WAY I am? That this is WHO I am? I really am not - but am stuck in this Fast Forward mode and dog gone it - I can't even stop long enough to make it right. Because as soon as I have decided that things are going to be different, and that I am going to take control of this life of mine - something interrupts me, and I forget what I was just doing.... Grrrrr... Maybe someone should just take out my batteries.

Living All Out

When my kids were very young, their dad would often have them stand on an elevated stair, or the side of the pool. As they balanced their precariously above him, he would tell them - "Jump! I'll catch you!" Everytime, they would stop, size him up - consider carefully - then gather their courage and make the leap - propelling themselves into the air, to be caught safely in their daddy's arms. Never once did he drop them - and never once did they refuse to jump.

I realize now what an important exercise this was for them. They put their complete trust in their daddy - knowing that he was strong, and that he would never let them down.

I think that in today's society, complete trust is very hard to come by. People disappoint, circumstances falter - things change. And there is a very heavy emphasis today that the only person you can truly depend on is yourself. For this reason, marriages fail, friendships break, and children stop speaking to their parents.

I don't disagree that it is risky to put a lot of faith into people. I know that I have let people down by my forgetfulness, or by not making things enough of a priority. And I know that I have been let down as well - sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. But, knowing whom you put your trust into is important. Knowing if the person is reliable, honest, and stands by what he says gives weight to his reliability ratio.

Is there a person worth throwing yourself off the stairs for? Is there someone that will 100% of the time, catch you and keep you safe? Not on this earth, I don't think. People are fallible. However, God is infallible. He is EXACTLY what He says he is - perfectly loving, perfectly just, perfectly righteous, perfectly worthy of trust.

Giving up our own hang ups of trust - and living by faith - putting our complete well being into the hands of the only One who is truly strong enough to handle it - is so much better than trying to manage it on our own.

Fight the Good Fight

My husband always gives me a hard time because I am a "peacemaker". This would be in contrast to his rather abrupt and upfront methods of dealing with any particular issue - be it the slow old lady driving her car ahead, or the errant child, or the situation with the neighbor. (He's really not THAT bad, but I have to draw the contrast!).

This would probably come as a shock to my brother. He's 2 1/2 years younger than me, and frankly, we were really good at fighting when we were young. He knew my buttons, and I knew how to react. His quite tactics and my big mouth got both of us into a good bit of trouble for quite a few years.

Now that I am older, fighting has taken on a whole new meaning. Now I fight to get rid of my extra weight, I fight to keep the house clean, I fight to stay awake.

There is a verse in the Bible that states "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith" Now this is the kind of fighting worth the effort. And it does take effort.

Another Bible verse says "Fight the good fight for the faith. Keep holding on to eternal life, to which you were called and about which you gave a good testimony in front of many witnesses." (1 Tim. 6:12)

Pondering what it means to fight the good fight brings about a couple of thoughts for me. Lately, life has been hard for me. Work saps me of my energy, there are alot of challenges in my day that take too much of my attention, that frankly don't deserve all the effort they demand. Things don't seem to fall together easily - or even somewhat agreeably. My budget is stretched, and there just isn't any good news on the news these days. All of this STUFF can really bring a girl down! Yet, I am encouraged to count it all joy when I face trials of many kinds.. So how do I do this -how do I fight the downward pull that would take me into discouragement, and depression? How do I choose joy in the midst of trial? By fighting the good fight!

But HOW? Last night, as the 4th thing in a row went wrong, I was able to stop, and with two very good friends, pray. And God brought to my mind Ephesians 6 - "Put on the full armour of God so that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil... " The belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit, the Shield of faith - and feet shod with the preparation of the Gospel of Peace.

Life was never promised to be easy - however, God has promised to give us every tool to be victorious thorugh His Son Jesus Christ. And it isn't my effort that this is dependent on, but rather my dependence on God to fight this battle for/through me.

So I'm gearing up - and getting ready for the fight. I really don't expect things to be easy, but I do plan on being victorious!

Soaking it all in

My mom occasionally used sponges in her kitchen when I was growing up. Every now and again they would dry out and be as tough and unbendable as a brick. In fact, I'm sure I used one as a weapon against my poor brother more than once.

But once that old nasty dry sponge touched water, they would spring to life. Soft, Supple and Useful.

I occasionally find myself feeling rather dry. With this dryness comes a rather dull outlook on life. Nothing is as wonderful as it once was, and life is bland. I begin to long for something to revive me and to bring colour back into what has been fading into sepia colours.

How blessed I was to be invited to Germany with David for a 5th year anniversary of our plastic card printer supplier, Digital Identification Solution. David is not a big traveller, and he doesn't share my lust for adventure, but just the thought of seeing a place I'd never been was enough to
get my feet itching to go.

It was 5 days of interesting people, new landscapes (so much like back home in Oregon!), ancient buildings and stories from hundreds of years ago!



I felt like a kid in an amusement park - all wide eyed and in wonder. The people, who were from all over the world, were open and interesting to talk to; the land was lush and green, the air crisp and cold; the rich history of the places we visited gave me such a sense of smallness - realizing that so much has happened before us - things that were so monumental - and yet time just carried on - and there are now only stories and relics to remember it by.

It was enough to recharge my adventure batteries, and even David remarked that if "this" was traveling then he rather enjoyed it!

No more a dry brick, I'm now ready to do and be all that I need to do and be!

A Season of Change

I have always most loved the changing of the seasons - mostly the transitional seasons - Spring and Fall. Summer and Winter each has it's own special character, but there is just something tantalizing about the seasons that "get" you there. Spring has that quiet awakening - when the birds suddenly start to sing again, the blossoms that suddenly dot the previously dead looking branches in my garden. And fall has it's own unique beauty, but perhaps a little more forboding. Not so much promise, but perhaps a bit of warning. The leaves, while beautiful and entertaining as they dance down the streets in a symphony of their own making - warn of the pending weather, where all that is green and lush will be no more - at least for a time.

Our lives are constantly changing seasons, aren't they? First, there's the spring of life, when all is new and alive... then later, when the children have arrived to add spice and energy, we settle into the summer. Then eventually, we enter autumn - still beautiful, but somehow less full of energy and vivacious life. And of course winter...but I'll save that for another time.

I think our life, David's and mine, has just begun to enter the autumn phase - one of those transitional stages, that has something worth savoring, yet brings about a contemplation of what is ahead. This was all triggered at the beginning of the year when our eldest headed off for University. She took a very trendy "gap year", so I suppose I was granted a small reprieve in entering this stage. But off she went, and for at least 5 days a week, our house was a bit emptier.
Then, as we saw her friendship with a handsome young man blossom, we prepared ourselves for what we knew would be coming.. and at last it has... an engagement to be wed. And this in the not too distant future! Now there is talk dancing around me from some perhaps not so well meaning friends and family - of grandchildren and such! Me, who has only found 1 gray hair on my head, is now being faced with the possibility of being called "Grandma" in the years just ahead. Now I understand how my mother felt as I walked down the aisle, when she herself had just entered her 40's.

I find myself becoming all sentimental - like that young girl who, when trodding off to her first day of school in the fall, would reminisce over the summer just spent - glamourizing it, and relishing in it - making it the lovely hazy memory that one sees on the movie screen, and perhaps dreading the winter ahead just a bit - knowing that there were things ahead that weren't necessarily exciting or worth looking forward to.

As I said, I do love the fall - and while I know that winter lies ahead, I must say that I am rather enjoying the dancing of the leaves, so to speak - and the joy and love that my daughter has found. Being able to share with her in this new stage of life for her is, I suppose all part of the circle that is life - and I am going to choose to focus on those things today that are worth admiring and enjoying, and not worry so much about the winter that is pending - not too close, but ahead none the less.

A Brainstorm!

What is it about collaborating with people over ideas that is so invigorating?
Lately, I've been blessed by opportunities to explore ideas with people who have really supercharged my enthusiasm and creativity.

A month ago, while I was visiting my family in Florida, Al, my brother in law and I had opportunities in the evenings to brainstorm ideas for both his business and mine. It was something of a give and take that got both of our heads buzzing with ideas -maybe more than either of us will ever be able to implement, but it was energizing!

And of course, there is the creative side as well - spending time with people who have ideas and share them freely - that get's my creative juices flowing and makes me want to move! Do something fun! Make something mundane beautiful!

David and I have great brainstorming sessions. His and mine, however are more problem solving, than inspiring. This is just as important. Almost a working out the details of our dreams... a putting foot to what was ethereal and aloof. These make me feel like I'm putting my shoulder to the grindstone, so to speak, in order to accomplish these things we dream of.

It is so important to have people in your life who inspire you, who challenge you, and who help you to accomplish what you dream of - giving you the courage to do what you dream of.

Thanks to all my family and friends who are my brainstorming partners! I'm blessed to have you in my life!

Setting the Standard

I have always felt kind of sorry for pole vaulters. Just when they reach their goal, someone raises the bar! It just doesn't seem quite fair.

My son and I recently had a discussion about standards, specifically his versus his parents. It seems he is rather unsatisfied with the rules in our house, though he is polite enough to begrudginglly follow most of them. In the end, it boiled down to our responsibility as his parents, and he didn't have too much arguement against that.

I also had a conversation about standards and expectations not so long ago with one of the ladies I work with. We were talking about the levels of service offered here in South Africa. It seems that the "standard" is rather low, and it was offered that perhaps I should rather change my expectations to match that of the available standard. I am sure that my frustrated grunts and groans that often eminate from my office can be tiresome, but I have to whole heartedly disagree with the perspective she offered.

What would happen if we didn't have a standard to match? What if there wasn't any "bar" at all to reach for? What point would there be to existence? We would simply reduce ourselves to a blob-like state, simply gratifying ourselves with whatever we could.

I think it is a great challenge to all right minded people who have any sort of ethics at all to raise the current standard - not by forcing rules and regulations upon others, but by practicing a higher standard of living. In the business world: Not taking bribes for orders, Doing what you say you will do, Offering information that is right and true. In private life: Similarly, being genuine people of honesty and integrity, avoiding back biting and gossip (there's a challenge!), raising our families in such a manner that they value things in life such as good citizenship, faith and integrity.

It's not that we don't fall short of those standards, but rather that we keep trying to attain - as Paul said in Philippians: “Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

Bargain Hunter Looker Outers!

There are just some things that only family can understand; Why you react a certain way to a certain situation...Why you hate certain foods...Why something makes you laugh hysterically...
This is only one of the reasons that family is important - someone who really knows you..what made you the way you are...where you came from...

I was the most blessed woman in the world these last few weeks - not only did my husband give me an incredibly amazing gift of time away from work..and tickets to the States - but I got to spend 19 fabulous days with my crazy little sister.

What we do share, besides our history and children the same age... is a love of crafts and an awesome bargain! In fact, Al, husband of my dear Sis, has titled us "Bargain Hunter Looker Outers". It's an awesome title, and one that I will proudly wear! Yes, we knew every clearance aisle in every Target shop in town... and we could smell a garage sale miles away! Red stickers, showing the discounted price makes our eyebrows raise and our hearts beat quicker... and it's something we LOVE to gloat about to each other. I admit it...I was jealous when Christy revealed that she had found 6 packets of paper marked down to nothing... but enjoyed showing my off season dress I found for 75% off. It's a friendly competition that made my husband once warn me "It's NOT how much you SAVED I'm interested in...It's how muchy you SPENT!"

Okay, so we aren't kids anymore...eating donuts and reading stories, picking raspberries in the backyard. We aren't even the young women who went camping and tramping up creeks (okay... she tramped..I tripped!) But we are now mature mothers of amazing children - happy and secure with our places in life and we "get" each other! Not that we are at all LIKE each other - she's active and sort of a outdoorsy type - I'm a not so active, but adventurous in spirit type.

The other thing I love to do with my sister is craft - most especially scrapbooking. I have spent my last 4 years in South Africa in a scrapbooking slump -not able to scrap a single page - partially out of mourning for not having my best scrapping buddy around. It took us only about 3 hours to sit down and start scrapping together. In amidst all the other activities we did while I visited, I managed to scrap 9 pages - in a revived frenzy of scrapping bliss with my inspirational sister.

This love for each other - and for crafts - has spilled over to our youngest girls. We had a fabulous day painting pottery with our 4 girls - so many colours to choose from - and so much fun! I could have stayed in that place for days! And the friendship that our girls share - one that has miraculously stretched over the years and the miles- to be revived so easily with one simple hug at the airport- makes my heart absolutely over-full with gratefulness to God for giving me such an amazing relationship with such an amazing woman!

Life is good, and God is great - and even though the miles once again separate us, I'm comforted by the fact that nothing will ever truly come between us. And I trust that it won't ever have to be so long again before we see each other again to once again stay up late chatting, scrapping and doing the ever so fun bargain hunting!