Living in Fast Forward

When I was a teen, one of my best friends had a single mom who was the coolest, most fun person I knew. Wendy did all the fun things - and hosted all the funnest parties - and treated all her son's friends with respect. We all loved her. She was fun, but she was also always running ragged. If we were to be picked up after the movie - she was late...if we were going to be meeting for dinner - we'd all end up pitching in a eating at 8. She forgot details, she missed appointments, but she always meant well. Together, her son and I would look at each other, roll our eyes and think "we will NEVER be like that"

Well.... fast forward nearly 17 years - and here I am - just like her. Living IN fast forward. So much to do, so little time to do it. Good intentions... best laid plans...and all. I forget, I get confused, I end up leaving people in a lurch... but always meaning the best. How does one apologize for being an idiot? I wish I could just be ignorant of this terrible problem I have. Then I could merrily go about my way, oblivious to whom I have disappointed, or what I have forgotten.

I wonder what my friends and children think of me. Are they rolling their eyes thinking that this is just the WAY I am? That this is WHO I am? I really am not - but am stuck in this Fast Forward mode and dog gone it - I can't even stop long enough to make it right. Because as soon as I have decided that things are going to be different, and that I am going to take control of this life of mine - something interrupts me, and I forget what I was just doing.... Grrrrr... Maybe someone should just take out my batteries.