Baby Steps

I've been thinking a little about my list of "10 things I want to do". Some of them are "way out there" goals - things that will take a while - like spending a weekend with my brother and sister...that's going to be a little tough, being that we are geographically challenged... and playing my violin with confidence...still have to buy a new one,nevermind practice. However, I do realize that goals without a plan are just dreams. And it only takes a couple of baby steps to get going.

In light of this, I am swallowing my pride, and am placing a copy of a short story I wrote in 2006. It's an allegory and while I've never taken a single writing class (except for in high school...sorry Mr. Kruis!) I have always dreamed of writing.

So! here it is...let me know what you think. And while you are at it, why don't you think about one of those dreams you have and as they say in South Africa "make a plan"!

Steps in the Darkness

The darkness enveloped her. The air felt thick and hot as her body bounced around in the backseat of the car. Her memories of how she got where she was were faint and confusing, but she now knew that every significant moment in her life had lead her to this point.

The blindfold over her eyes was tight, and cut into her cheeks and the back of her head where it was tied. Her hands were also tied together, more loosely, but were somehow chained down around her waist, only allowing her limited movement. There was no chance she would be able to loosen the mask.

Thoughts of the assignment she had been given tormented her. Waves of guilt and sadness washed over her as she relived the many opportunities she had missed to complete her mission. Distractions and complacency had done their duty, keeping her from moving forward. And now, it seemed, there was no hope.

Hours, perhaps even days, went by. The darkness, at first threatening, was now losing its power over her. Instead of panic, she was feeling resignation. Fear over what was ahead no longer consumed her mind…instead she felt numb and tired.

The odd thing about having one of your senses dulled or damaged..the others seem to respond in sympathy and become all the more sensitive. Smells are more pungent or fragrant, sounds more clear. The monotony of those dark numb days was suddenly breaking and she slowly became aware of things she hadn’t noticed before. The hours of the day were now definable – by the sounds of the birds in the morning, the smell of the lunch time meal being prepared in some distant kitchen. Even an awareness of presence began to emerge like a long lost comrade. She could feel things that if proof were needed, she would have none.

As the fog of her resignation began to lift, she found desire once again awakening within her. The question of how to accomplish what she knew she needed to do was something she had spent countless hours considering.

It was early in the day – it was dead quiet except for the sounds of the dove outside the window. She rose carefully from her mattress, testing her feet to see if they still had the strength to do their task. A soft breeze blew in against her cheek and she took her first faltering steps toward it, hoping that it would lead to a door or a window. It was very slow progress at first. The breeze led to a doorway that was partially ajar. Quietly she slipped through, praying that her steps would be silent. She stopped suddenly, aware that the room in which she stood was enormous. Which way was correct? Any turn could spell freedom, or doom. She backed up slowly until she felt a cool wall behind her. Sidestepping, she slid along the wall with her hands pressed to the plaster, feeling the coolness grow colder as she neared the outer doorway. Once outside, she breathed deeply, sensing her destination was within reach.

The warmth of the early morning sun warmed her cheek as she shuffled through the fallen leaves. By keeping the warmth on the left side of her face, she knew she would keep from returning to where she had come from. Distant noises drew her, and the reassurance of the sunshine on her face gave her strength as she walked on. As the morning wore on, the distant noises clarified and became distinct and clear. The sound s of a group of children playing… a dog barking. A song sung by a woman working outside.

A sense of peace flooded her. She knew that not only was she within a breath of escaping the darkness of her confinement, but she had also found the purpose of her journey.

The sun, now higher in the sky, warmed her as she took her last steps forward, knowing that the darkness, as lonely and cold as it was, actually was a tool to take her to where she was meant to be all along.

The Novelties of Lemon Snow

Who'd have thunk it!

Really and truly, this morning, we- living at 26 degrees south of the equator- woke up to SNOW! Not icy, nasty stuff, but real life, fluffy, cold snow. The kind that makes the perfect snowball!

It took Allison and Melody all of 5 minutes to leap out of bed jump into something resembling warm clothes, and run out the back door to try their hand at a good old fashioned snowball fight.

It was such an unexpected pleasure, certainly nothing we'd ever thought we'd be able to experience living here! In fact the last time it snowed here was 1981 - 26 years ago.

Isn't life just like that...

Just when you sort out what is expected...buckle down to do what needs to be done...adapt yourself to the changes that are coming at you...that some little unexpected thing happens. A special little "gift" that reminds you that life isn't all about work, or trouble, or difficulties. There are the joy moments that bring a smile and a little relief to what is ahead.

Some people have told me that I am a positive person.... They don't really know me, at least the whole me. In fact, there have been times that I have been far from that. Depressed. Disappointed. Frustrated. Even angry. I have had a complaining spirit, a grumpy outlook and a good old proper pity party.

About 10 years ago, I was in the midst of one of these times in my life when I was at the bottom of a very deep dark hole. I had a hard time even managing a smile, never mind a kind word. I'm sure my friends and family thought I'd gone over the deep end. It was in the middle of this darkness, that two friends of mine came alongside me, figuratively took me by the elbows and pointed me back toward the light.

I truly believe that God sent them to me.

It wasn't big words of wisdom they bestowed on me, or piles and piles of Scripture verses. It was just a simple lesson that I know God wanted me to learn.

No matter what life brings...count your blessings.

To use my lemon snow analogy...when life gives you lemons make lemonade!

Was this a matter of my own power over my darkness? Was this just an exercise in "the power of positive thinking" ? NO WAY!

It was a matter of taking stock... and putting things into perspective. Yes, life sometimes stinks.Yes, life is HARD. However, what do I have to be thankful for? Friends and Family who love me? A roof over my head? Food in my belly? Freedom to worship and do as I please? The list can really start to grow! And as I realize just how blessed I really am, those hard, difficult things in life start to seem a little less big. And I realize that I am being cared for.. by a Father who knows me, warts and all, and who will give me the strength to get over those challenges in life that can bring me down.

This was my reminder today... as I looked out my kitchen window at my lemon tree, all dusted with beautiful white snow, and realized that I am so very very glad for the unexpected pleasures God brings my way!

Walking and Talking

Bobby Darin's song Animal Song rang through my head yesterday...

"If I could talk to the animals, just imagine it,
Chattin' with a chimp in chimpanzee,
Imagine talking to a tiger, chatting with a cheetah,
What a neat achievement it would be!

If we could talk to the animals, learn their languages,
Maybe get an animal degree,
I'd study elephant and eagle, buffalo and beagle,
Alligator, guinea pig, and flea! "


We had a weekend playing tourists with some friends that are visiting from Oregon. It's been interesting traipsing around the "Cradle of Humankind" on the western side of the city, taking in the sights and checking out what the area has to offer.

On Saturday we visited the Sterkfontein Caves - the home of Mrs. Ples and Little Foot - fossilzed bones of what is considered to be the earliest form of man. Well... I don't even need to say how we felt about the interpretations that were given for the existence of these bones. It did make for some interesting viewing and the caves that we crawled (well...mostly walked) through were stunning. The museum that we had to wait in, however had a lifesized model of evolution's "Adam and Eve". It really disturbed Allison (who had just viewed actual stuffed animals in a museum an hour before).. I had to assure her that these were man made.

On Sunday we went to the Lion Park in Krugersdorp and I was struck by the beauty of God's creation. Each animal is so distinct in its behavior and appearance. I petted a gorgeous giraffe who dipped his head down right over the top of mine several times. (Did you know that the giraffe's anatomy actually disproves evolution?? Click this link to see an explanation) Then we spent a few minutes playing with soft fuzzy lion cubs, who were more interested in having a snooze than in posing for photos! A car tour through 4 areas filled with full grown lions made me realize the rawness of nature, as they chewed on their meaty bones and licked their lips contemplating whether I would be a nice tasty dessert. It was a day of realizing just a tiny portion of the scope of creation - how complete and perfect God made the world and its inhabitants.

Check out the photos below by clicking on each thumbnail-it may take a moment or two to load, but it is worth it!

A True Hero

This is an exerpt from an email that some man sent in to our local radio station today. It was so touching that they posted it on their web page. I thought I'd share it with you.

I saw an old man today, hiding from the wind against a posh Bryanston wall.

Everything he owns in one trolley, everything he dreams about frozen in that moment.

Bowing forward, begging for respite from a life which has offered him very little, the man battled for survival.

I wonder what he has to say.

I wonder if he has a family.

I wonder why he's on the street, alone, fighting for his life.

Does he ever look up at the stars, amazed at their beauty, does he ever admire the fireworks display of a highveld storm, will he let the sun rain down upon him on a glorious summer day? Will he make it that far? Chances are that the man cannot afford to enjoy the simple pleasures of life because he is too busy finding lunch in a gutter, searching for dinner in a trashcan - pushing his trolley along, hoping for a kind face in a cold world.

He is the soldier of misfortune, the gladiator of the underworld - ignored, ridiculed, pursued, haunted.

Yet, he is the one who will risk another cold shun and wave a trembling hand. He is the one who bravely takes it on the chin when gleaming 4X4's pretend he does not exist.

He has no job to strike from, no car to speed with, no agenda behind what he says. No company in which he can commit fraud, no wife to abuse, no family to murder.

Yet, HE, is regarded as a third-class citizen. This man, guilty of nothing but boldly facing adversity - is what we point at when talking about the failure of the human race. Armed with nothing but a trolley and the will to survive - he is the hero, the champion, the bastion of hope for every director, CEO, superstar and common worker in the world. For every day he survives, we can survive a hundred, for every smile he gives, we can give a thousand.

This man: cold, frozen, bowed forward . . . is the symbol of human triumph, the award-winning advertisement of unwavering courage. I will not look at the news today. I will not think about all that I want changed in my life, all that I desire, all that I've not yet achieved. Today I will celebrate being alive. Today I will admire the setting sun, honouring the courage of one man to survive winter alone. I hope summer warms his heart . . . I hope he makes it that far.

Switch?

Have you ever sat and really pondered your place in life? "What if I had been born to parents in a small village in Uganda" or "Who would I be if I had grown up with celebrity parents in the hills of Hollywood" or "what if I were another race?" . Life would be so very different... values, circumstances and even character would be so very differently defined. Perhaps spending time thinking about these things is not something completely fruitless. Perhaps wondering about a completely different life other than the one we have been given can really help us to have compassion and understanding for others in different circumstances than our own..and it can give us a different perspective on our current circumstances.

Living here in South Africa has really made me see just how amazing people are. Situations that I might have considered insurmountable when I was living in the comfort of my home in Oregon, I now realize are part of daily life for some whom I come into contact with every day. And things that I have taken for granted are unheard of in their lives.

Just this last couple days, we had a massive power outage. A substation not too far away burned, and predictions of 10 days of no electricity loomed infront of us.* My first instinct was to wonder how on earth we would cope. Without even the luxury of a camp stove, and the dependence our business has on the internet I wasn't sure how we would carry on. Then the sobering realization that much of the population outside of our little "neighborhood" live without reliable power, indoor plumbing or any sort of heating. Children with whom my children attend school don't all have the luxury of lights at night, or a security system that will ensure a peaceful sleep. Yet, they carry on, smiles on their faces and heads held up high, grateful for what they do have.

It's with a very grateful heart that I can thank God that He has given us the ability to cope, adjust and even have victory over our circumstances, be they physical, emotional or spiritual.

In my minds eye, I see the faces of people I have spoken with over the last few years - people of very different lifestyles, backgrounds and circumstances. Angel, in New York City, who found Christ and wanted to end his homeless journey and return to his family.. Promise, from Adams Mission, South Africa, who became a beloved friend and helper, and has experienced more death and grief than anyone I have ever known.. a nameless couple who have appeared at our church in the last few weeks, hungry for food, some friendliness and most likely some hope. I am thankful to have known them, to have learned from them.

It's a dangerous thing for those on the outside to "look in" on those of differing lifestyles and circumstances. Pity for those who don't have, and "compensational guilt" for what we do have can make us seem condescending and "holier than thou". I pray that God will keep me real.. and keep me humble...that I will give out of Christ's love, not out of guilt or pity...that I will be transparent and genuine... and that I will be allowed the privilege of being able to come alongside some of these amazing people I see and be a part of their lives.

(* note: we only had to endure two days of "powerlessness", due to the close proximity of a large mall and major highway junctions. I guess we fell into a "priority" area, and we feel blessed to have lights and a computer today. Our neighbors and family members just east of us have not been so fortunate, and are facing those dreaded 10 days without power.)

Big Dream

There is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman titled "Diving In" When it first came out, it became the song that I would crank up and belt out in my best "only in the shower" voice. The chorus goes something like this...

"I'm diving in
I'm going deep
In over my head I wanna be
Caught in the rush
Lost in the flow
In over my head I wanna go
The river's deep
The river's wild
The river's water is alive
So sink or swim..I'm diving in"

For someone who really likes to know what's coming..to be prepared..to make lists...this is kinda strange. But there is something about letting go that is so awesome.

Since we have made the "stage two" move to Johannesburg, I have been looking around, wondering where I will fit. It was with a bit of wonder that we found ourselves worshipping at a small church smack in the center of what some would call "not the best part of town". In fact, we don't hold evening services, due to the dangers of the area, and the entire church premises are gated with industrial spiked steel fencing to keep out burglars and vandals. Yet, we truly feel that this is where God has placed us.

This last month I have been doing a bit of soul searching, listening and watching. My soul searching has revealed a deep desire to love the unlovely. My listening has heard the Lord calling me to come close to Him so that I can hear Him. And my watching has shown me not an ugly dirty street in front of our church, but a road that carries loads of people who are hungry, cold, and without hope. I've also seen not any empty old hall (our church is really quite old), that stands empty, but one that in my mind's eye is full of people hearing God's word, and being shown Christ's love by the people of our church.

I'm asking God to burn this ministry into my heart, to give me a genuine love for these people who really need to know how much God has loved them. And to give me wisdom in knowing how to minister to them.

It's a big dream that I'm dreaming.. one much bigger than anything I could ever do in my own power... one that I'm going to have to just trust God with... and just dive in!