Stressed or Stretched

It's 4:26 am, I've been awake for an hour and don't see much point in going to back to sleep. In my early morning contemplations, I had a little word picture come to mind, one that is helping me to not give in to feelings of being overwhelmed and panicked.

No one's life is free of stress - I think this word could almost be considered an overused word - at least in my circles. "How are you this week?" "Stressed. But okay"
"How are you feeling?" "Stressed" And in a conversation with my almost 10 year old "How was your day at school?" "Stressful". It's sad.

My life has been full of busyness lately - my oldest daughter got married and she and I (and her new husband) planned most of the details. In the midst of this, our business is growing (what a blessing!), and we have been on the verge of alot of change. In fact, I would say that life has been mostly change lately.

This can cause stress. Or perhaps as my little God given visual that came to me this morning points - not stress, but stretch.

Trying to manage stress is a difficult thing - Picture a ball of silly putty (now THIS is a good illustration for me!) - you pull it and pull it, then it begins to resist being pulled, it get's thinner and thinner then all the sudden - snap! It breaks. If it was more elastic it would just continue to stretch and not resist being pulled.

I think that resistance to change (or struggle, depending on the situation) is what causes stress. Fighting against what is happening around you and resisting what is happening does all those horrible things to your body - headaches, high blood pressure, shortened temper - even that anxious pit in the stomach.

But if we could somehow take a different perspective and look at these things in a our life as catalysts instead of hinderances, we might move away from a feeling of stress to a feeling of stretch. If I (because this is my 4 am therapy session) could embrace the change and see this time as a time of God working in me, molding me and making me into the vessle He has created me to be, then maybe some of the feelings of "oh my!" will change into "oh yea!" and the panic and anxiety that are on the fringe of my consciousness would subside and melt away.

Yep, it's 4 am, and I must say that when I've been lying still in bed for 4 hours trying to sleep, and I get up quietly and go into the next room... a good stretch feels mighty good. It's an awakening and a getting ready for movement. And after lying still for a while - movement is good!

Too Long Overdue

It's been so long since I posted, that I'm sure I've been written off in blogging anonymity (is that a word??)... but for any who might still be checking in now and again...I should at least give you a reason.

In short, life it is always a-changin'. And frankly, the older I get the more tricky it gets to keep up with it all!

People have always asked me how it was to have 4 kids - all spread out in age so much. And I honesty could answer them that it really wasn't so hard.... I have great kids, who MOST of the time, get along pretty well - and enjoy hanging out with each other and even their old parents. And I never really felt it was any harder than having kids staggered 2 years apart, as is so fashionable.

Until now.

I've actually started feeling a little schizophrenic lately. In one day... I am putting band-aids (plasters to my South African friends) on my 7 year olds boo boo, then I'm discussing the nuances of bridal veils with my 20 year old. I'm running kids to swimming, then I'm accompanying eldest daughter and her lifelong buddy to the wedding venue to discuss menues and such.

Add to this my new found enjoyment in the whole "career woman" phase of life (which, I believe would have been a perfect match to the "mother of the bride" phase). The biggest problem is that I haven't yet finished the "PTA Mom" phase. And this phase is really really important - not for me, but for the little beings that I am entrusted with. And I also have the ever present part of me that enjoys the "Outreach Worker" phase - which isn't really a phase, but more of a forever part of who I am.

What happens when all of these phases collide in one cataclysmic moment? Lots of running back and forth...plenty of late nights...a few not so proud moments of forgetfulness.....and very few blogs.

Busyness is never a good excuse for anything...it is rather just a fact of life. And sorting out all the different phases in life is just one of the joys of growing up..and maturing... I'm sure I'll earn every gray hair I get.

Too long overdue

This is a post written, but never published from 2 years ago.. interesting to go through it again and see a little growth, but still some of the same battles. Lol!



It's been so long since I posted, that I'm sure I've been written off in blogging anonymity (is that a word??)... but for any who might still be checking in now and again...I should at least give you a reason.

In short, life it is always a changing. And frankly, the older I get the more tricky it gets to keep up with it all!

People have always asked me how it was to have 4 kids - all spread out in age so much. And I honesty could answer them that it really wasn't so hard.... I have great kids, who MOST of the time, get along pretty well - and enjoy hanging out with each other and even their old parents. And I never really felt it was any harder than having kids staggered 2 years apart, as is so fashionable.

Until now.

I've actually started feeling a little schizophrenic lately. In one day... I am putting band-aids (plasters to my South African friends) on my 7 year olds boo boo, then I'm discussing the nuances of bridal veils with my 20 year old. I'm running kids to swimming, then I'm accompanying eldest daughter and her lifelong buddy to the wedding venue to discuss menus and such.

Add to this my new found enjoyment in the whole "career woman" phase of life (which, I believe would have been a perfect match to the "mother of the bride" phase). The biggest problem is that I haven't yet finished the "PTA Mom" phase. And this phase is really really important - not for me, but for the little beings that I am entrusted with. And I also have the ever present part of me that enjoys the "Outreach Worker" phase - which isn't really a phase, but more of a forever part of who I am.

What happens when all of these phases collide in one cataclysmic moment? Lots of running back and forth...plenty of late nights...a few not so proud moments of forgetfulness.....and very few blogs.

Busyness is never a good excuse for anything...it is rather just a fact of life. And sorting out all the different phases in life is just one of the joys of growing up..and maturing... I'm sure I'll earn every gray hair I get.

Snow not Sweat!

Every year I have the same dilemma - what will we do for Christmas? While every year brings about some version of this question (i.e. will it be at your parents or mine?... will we eat turkey or ham?...) being a "northerner" in the south opens a whole new box of issues -

Will I cook? - this was a non negosh in Oregon, OF COURSE I would cook! I loved putting on the old apron, putting on the Christmas tunes - pouring a glass of eggnog and whipping up a very nice meal that took the entire day to prepare. But NOW... we've got 90+ degree temps...and I'm really tired from work... and really everyone, except for our nearest and dearest, are on holiday. Cooking? That isn't really so appealing. Year #2 in SA, we accepted an invite from David's sister and d/h to eat with them out - so, on Christmas day, smack in the middle of a blistering hot and humid day, we sank our buns onto the seats in a restaurant - really it was more of a pub... and we ate buffet style. They had turkey! and we had the Jones gang all there - it was very very different, and not at all Christmas-y (other than the guy behind the roast who had on a big old red santa hat!)

What traditions will we remember? - Our first year in SA was my attempt at replicating our Christmas traditions from home. Gingerbread house, baked and decorated ended up collapsing from the humidity, and when the kids tried to eat it, it was spit out with much disgust, because the sea air had made it salty. The Christmas lights were strung around our little apartment, and had to all be plugged into the same outlet. Nightmares of tripped switches and electrical fires danced through my head, instead of sugar plums.

What will we do? - Year three was a compromise - I cooked a big old meal, we invited all the family around over - I decorated the table... and we stuffed ourselves. Then we went for a swim afterward to cool off :).

Who will we spend it with? - Year four was our first "inland" Christmas. Gone was the humidity, and added was extended family and new friends. We had a lovely outdoor early dinner under the shade of some white sheets I had strung under an existing framework. Dinner table was decked out, dinner was au gratin potatoes and ham..and for dessert we ate ice cold icecream!

That was in my pre and early working days.

Now I'm an exhausted working mom...

And I lack the time to plan, and the energy to prepare... so, in a last minute effort to save the Christmas spirit, I frantically called every hotel in a 20 km radius to book a holiday lunch buffet table for the family and d/h parents and sister in law and clan. But, as usual, I was too late.

However! Not all is lost! I have a frozen Jenny-O turkey in the freezer (thank you to whatever company decided NOT to carry only the salty brazillian turkeys that lurk in freezer sections everywhere), and we have now closed the office for 2 weeks. 2 frantic days of last minute Christmas shopping has nearly completed that chore...and now I have time to rescue that special atmosphere that Christmas holds.

I guess it doesn't really matter if snowflakes aren't falling from the sky, and if I'm dressed in a tank top and flip flops....

I'm cracking out the cookie cutters, putting on my ancient Amy Grant Christmas CD and spending some time with my kids...doing things that we can only do at this time of the year...and remembering just how special this time of the year is - not just family and traditions, but heart-felt gratitude for the precious gift of life that God has given us through the birth of his Son Christ. This is the spirit of Christmas aroudn the world, even if the temperatures aren't the same.

Living in Fast Forward

When I was a teen, one of my best friends had a single mom who was the coolest, most fun person I knew. Wendy did all the fun things - and hosted all the funnest parties - and treated all her son's friends with respect. We all loved her. She was fun, but she was also always running ragged. If we were to be picked up after the movie - she was late...if we were going to be meeting for dinner - we'd all end up pitching in a eating at 8. She forgot details, she missed appointments, but she always meant well. Together, her son and I would look at each other, roll our eyes and think "we will NEVER be like that"

Well.... fast forward nearly 17 years - and here I am - just like her. Living IN fast forward. So much to do, so little time to do it. Good intentions... best laid plans...and all. I forget, I get confused, I end up leaving people in a lurch... but always meaning the best. How does one apologize for being an idiot? I wish I could just be ignorant of this terrible problem I have. Then I could merrily go about my way, oblivious to whom I have disappointed, or what I have forgotten.

I wonder what my friends and children think of me. Are they rolling their eyes thinking that this is just the WAY I am? That this is WHO I am? I really am not - but am stuck in this Fast Forward mode and dog gone it - I can't even stop long enough to make it right. Because as soon as I have decided that things are going to be different, and that I am going to take control of this life of mine - something interrupts me, and I forget what I was just doing.... Grrrrr... Maybe someone should just take out my batteries.

Living All Out

When my kids were very young, their dad would often have them stand on an elevated stair, or the side of the pool. As they balanced their precariously above him, he would tell them - "Jump! I'll catch you!" Everytime, they would stop, size him up - consider carefully - then gather their courage and make the leap - propelling themselves into the air, to be caught safely in their daddy's arms. Never once did he drop them - and never once did they refuse to jump.

I realize now what an important exercise this was for them. They put their complete trust in their daddy - knowing that he was strong, and that he would never let them down.

I think that in today's society, complete trust is very hard to come by. People disappoint, circumstances falter - things change. And there is a very heavy emphasis today that the only person you can truly depend on is yourself. For this reason, marriages fail, friendships break, and children stop speaking to their parents.

I don't disagree that it is risky to put a lot of faith into people. I know that I have let people down by my forgetfulness, or by not making things enough of a priority. And I know that I have been let down as well - sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. But, knowing whom you put your trust into is important. Knowing if the person is reliable, honest, and stands by what he says gives weight to his reliability ratio.

Is there a person worth throwing yourself off the stairs for? Is there someone that will 100% of the time, catch you and keep you safe? Not on this earth, I don't think. People are fallible. However, God is infallible. He is EXACTLY what He says he is - perfectly loving, perfectly just, perfectly righteous, perfectly worthy of trust.

Giving up our own hang ups of trust - and living by faith - putting our complete well being into the hands of the only One who is truly strong enough to handle it - is so much better than trying to manage it on our own.