Home Sickness or Sick of Home

When we left Oregon, we had decided, for the sake of the family we were leaving, as well as the family we were joining, that we would set a time limit on our little adventure. After carefully considering the ages and stages of our kids, we decided that 6 years would be a decent amount of time - long enough to make it worth our while, but not forever. However, we did always agree that should the Lord want to keep us here, or show us without any doubt that we should leave before that, that we would keep our plans open.

Now we are already 4 years into our 6! Shocking! While we can see the growth in our kids as evidence that indeed time has passed.. it also doesn't seem like we could possibly be this far into our time here. Taking stock of all that has happened since we have been here also brings mixed results - we have lived in three different houses...our kids have gone through many stages of life...we have gotten older... Yet, we have also not accomplished some of the things we wanted to accomplish - while accomplishing other things we never dreamed of...

All of this has brought about a real confused state of emotion for me. In some ways, I've been here long enough to have some fond feelings towards this place... then in other ways I, the foreigner, am also getting rather tired of somethings. Rather than rant and rave about all the things wrong in South Africa (and the list seems to grow weekly), I wanted to ponder exactly where these feelings of mine were coming from.

After all the time that we have been here, I am, at last, going back to the States to visit my sister in Florida. It's been two years longer than we had hoped, and I am really seriously missing the friendship that not only she and I have, but the one all of our girls have as well.

Excitement that I have to see them all again is mixed with a pinch of fear. How is it going to feel to be back "home" (well, almost home, as they are really very very far from where we left). My coping mechanisms for maintaining a positive attitude will be challenged - I won't be able to "just look forward" while I'm seeing how my neices have grown, or as I realize that I've missed out on 4 years with my sister. Will coming back to South Africa be harder than I expect? Then again, my husband who is now my business partner - who sees me literally for 24 hours a day - will be here, and I'm sure that I will miss him greatly as well.

Am I, at last feeling homesickness? A sincere longing to go back to the roots that I have always known... or am I just sick and tired of this place that I now call home - tired of the power outages, the reverse discrimination, the crime and fear.. even the lack of care in the business world... It's a frustrating place to be..and has this fueled my feelings to leave? Or am I genuinely coming to an end of my assignment here, and is God preparing me for the next stage of our adventure?

So many questions, and as yet, not so many answers.... only time and prayer will tell...