The Cost of Living and Loving

Here I am, nearly 1 year post "Chapter 3" of my life adventure.

Enough time to clear my head of the dizziness that came from the flurry of activity of moving across the ocean - enough time to slow down the busy rustle of getting every thing sorted so I can try to put down some roots - enough time to have a good look at what has past, what the current day holds - and to contemplate the tomorrows.

In a very practical sense, I had to count the cost of moving here - our Rands don't go far here - and every purchase had to be weighed carefully. The mental shift of value - "is $5.99/lb excessive?" "will this bank balance be enough?" had to be adjusted over time.

But what I didn't count, what I perhaps took a little too much for granted, were the most valuable things I had - and whether or not they would be able to withstand the adjustment - those treasured relationships that we had built over the 9 years we were there. The sadness of the goodbyes, the strain of lives lived separately and detached and the just plain pain of missing each other desperately are taking their toll.

While my heart is heavy for missing the people who colored my life - for those who shared themselves with me, and who I gave a piece of my heart - for those who saw me at my best and my worst - I would not, could not wish for those 9 years to be any different. Choices were made then that strung threads of love between my family, my children and those around us and the stretching of those threads has hurt everyone involved - but having had them... is invaluable.

We could have lived more solitary lives, knowing from the beginning that our time there was not permanent - we could have avoided the roots and stretching out - but we would have missed out on knowing and loving some of the most amazing people. And for this there is no regret.

I came across a blog about goodbyes today, and a statement hit me -
"The effort and vulnerability it costs to treasure and honor people, this is the stuff of life." It is worth it - 100%.

Mizpah

Go thou thy way, and I go mine,
Apart, yet not afar;
Only a thin veil hangs between
The pathways where we are.
And "God keep watch 'tween thee and me";
This is my prayer;
He looks thy way, He looketh mine,
And keeps us near.
I know not where thy road may lie,
Or which way mine will be;
If mine will lead thro' parching sands
And thine beside the sea;
Yet God keeps watch 'tween thee and me,
So never fear;
He holds thy hands, He claspeth mine,"
And keeps us near.

Should wealth and fame perchance be thine,
And my lot lowly be,
Or you be sad and sorrowful,
And glory be for me,
Yet God keep watch 'tween thee and me;
Both be His care;
One arm round thee and one round me
Will keep us near.

I sigh sometimes to see thy face,
But since this may not be,
I'll leave thee to the care of Him
Who cares for thee and me.
"I'll keep you both beneath my wings,"
This comforts, dear; One wing o'er thee
and one o'er me,
Will keep us near.

And though our paths be separate,
And thy way is not mine,
Yet coming to the Mercy seat,
My soul will meet with thine.
And "God keep watch 'tween thee and me,"
I'll whisper there.
He blesseth thee, He blesseth me,
And we are near.-