Fighting the Monster

My kids know my buttons - what makes me cranky, what makes me give in, how to butter me up. It's come from years of practice, I'm sure (although, Melody, who has the least amount of practice seems to have the most expertise!).

I also believe that the devil (yes, I do believe he is alive and active in this world of ours), knows my buttons. There have been very concrete moments in my life when I have seen him pushing my buttons, trying to get me to react in a way that would be pleasing to him. There was a quiet thought in my head when I was with a team in New York City - it said "why are you here? don't you know that these kids would rather you weren't? You don't fit, you won't make a difference". It was a long night battling the feelings of insecurity, but when I spoke to another adult, she amazed me when she said that she had the same thoughts the night before. Another time I volunteered to be up front during an event, and as soon as it was over, waves of insecurity and embarrassment washed over me, making me want to run and hide.

That wiley devil knows just which buttons to push to paralyze me. What will make me want to quit, what will humiliate me and make me feel a failure. And push them he does!

Thankfully, I am no longer a slave to his button pushing! As Ephesians reminds me, I have the full armor of God and the power of Christ to overcome any attempts Satan makes to undo me.

So this week, when Louisa and Ellen could not make it two times in a row to our classes, the temptation to feel discouraged and frustrated started to lap like a wave against my shore. I was quickly reminded of the promises of God, and I had to make the conscious decision to fight that temptation, through those promises, and to persevere. Once this was done, God gave me extra blessings in confirmation from our pastor and deacon board that this was a needed outreach and one that the church would like to get behind. What a gift from God. Just when we feel lowest, He lifts us up, as we continue to trust in Him.

This is just another lesson to me that it is not me who is in control, but my heavenly Father. And He in his goodness as provided for me all that I need to follow Him - it's just a matter of trust.